Entitled deadbeats protected by the minions of bloated govt.

I went to downtown Portland yesterday to see what three-to-five thousand whiners, deadbeats, slackers, and ne’er-do-wells looked liked when they descended en masse on Portland’s “Living Room” (Pioneer Square). Here’s my report:

On the surface, the crowd seemed disturbingly normal. It spanned in age from teenager to elder in very equal proportions. I overheard radical socialist and/or anarchist ideas (same thing?) disguised as thoughtful conversations about taxation, offshoring jobs, lacking healthcare, access to education, holding banks accountable, and long-term unemployment. People carried signs supporting collective bargaining rights and the power of numbers… numbers of people, not dollars. There were a handful of people in masks or dressed up like Wall St. Banking Puppets. Otherwise, lots of Gore-Tex, baseball caps, and wool apparel. After all, it’s Portland and it’s getting cool.

There were funny signs: “Soylent Green is People! Corporations are Not!”

A sign with an image of a rabbit that said, “Screw Us and We Multiple”

Amusing and not too america-hating on the surface. But aren’t you all subversive freedom haters? What’s on the other side of that sign buddy?

Fortunately, to stave off my own critical thinking, there were some signs clearly spawned by anti-trust-your-benevolent-corporate-friend, anarchist nazis expressing disturbing notions like: “Unemployed Construction Worker willing to work under the table since I can’t even land a minimum wage job” and “Single mother of two with no health insurance”.

I thought back to what I’d read from Herman Cain minutes before heading to the protest:

“Don’t blame Wall Street,” Cain said. ”[D]on’t blame the big banks, if you don’t have a job and you’re not rich, blame yourself!”

and my own questions began to bubble up:

Why do these people look so deceptively normal? Why are there as many spectators as marchers? Why are these bystanders snapping pictures and cheering? Why aren’t any of these people working at their real jobs right now? What am I doing here? Shouldn’t I be working hard? Just because I plan to work another 10-12 hour day today and every other day through this weekend, does that excuse the two hours I took to be here?

Am I an america-hating, social leach and I just don’t know it?

Most importantly,”Why don’t I see any “I’m unemployed and not rich and I blame myself?” t-shirts and signs? Maybe I should get one for myself.

To help me start answering these questions, I decided to visit a website today that actually knows something about an organic, grassroots movement that provides “another avenue for people to have their voices heard” so that they can advance the spirit of the American Revolution. You know, that little scuffle with England that “unleashed the most individual freedom, individual liberty, and human advancement unmatched in the history of humanity*”?

That’s right, I found my answers over on The Tea Party of Oregon site.

This is where I got the ”Advancing the spirit of the American Revolution*” quote (it’s in their mission statement. More on this site in a second… or maybe I should say moron this site in a second.

(*The writer in me needs to clearly distance himself from that clunky, poorly-written sentence.)

The “another avenue for people to have their voices heard” quote? Eric Cantor on the Tea Party. Cantor on the “Occupy” movement? “I am increasingly concerned about the growing mobs occupying Wall Street and other cities across our country.”

Alas. If only it was just another avenue for people to have their voices heard. But I don’t want to get sidetracked by Cantor. I’ll leave that up to Washington.

How then can the Occupy people get it right?

My desire to help the Occupy Movement gain credibility–I mean, they seemed like nice enough people and they’re just so darn earnest–took me deeper into the sage advice of the Tea Party and spawned more questions:

  1. What if Occupy (insert place) could help protect the inalienable rights of people? 
  2. What if they could help create a system that “allows the individual and their right to use their intellect, education, muscle, ingenuity, work ethic, talent, & experience, by free choice & free association, in order to trade those attributes, and to provide opportunity, advancement, profit, prosperity, a future and opportunity for themselves, our children, and therefore our nation”?
  3. What if they could address “massive unsustainable spending… economy-crippling debt… government NOT picking winners and losers… corporate welfare, (and) wealth redistribution” thus allowing “the people of the United States to thrive, prosper, and grow, without interference, and of their own merit.”?

The answer, you see, is simple. The Tea Party is already doing all this. These are their three core principles.

Turns out the if you do things like insert the word “corporation” for “government” when discussing institutions that bar us from our inalienable rights as people, you’re a whiner and a deadbeat. If the Koch Brothers fund your movement then you’re a real american. If a bunch of real americans come together then you’re a mob.

That’s clear. I’m feeling better.

However, if you don’t get your proper permits to organize and stay overnight in a public park, your event is “nothing short of illegal camping and trespassing.” Reach out to the city? The planners, parks/rec, and the cops? Why would we want to fund the bloated bureaucracy just so they can tell us what to do? Isn’t overreaching government the enemy? Isn’t The Tea Party channeling the spirit of the protesters who broke the King’s Law by dumping tea in Boston Harbor?

Damn… now I’m confused again.

According to the Tea Party, if you’re organizing and using up public funds on road blocks and a police presence, you’re a “Fleabagger“. What are you when you organize people around the country in 2009 and also forcibly disrupt town-hall meetings? That’s right, now I remember. You’re a concerned Patriot.

Clarity returning.

But wait… as of 11/7/11 at 1:00 pm PST, the Fleabagger page on Facebook has 103 likes. 40,000 people like the Occupy Wall Street page. Since we all know that, these days, your number of likes on Facebook determines your value, what is this telling me? Oh, the Tea Party Patriots page has 850,000 likes.

Order is restored.

A group wisely started the “We are the 53%” page to support “Those of us who pay for those of you who whine about all of that… or that… or whatever.” It is full of people who work 2-3 jobs, 60-80 hours a week to get by. One guy works that hard and only gets paid for 45! Patriot!

You know, the ‘”work hard not smart” crowd. Lots to learn there.

What is 53% by the way? The number of Americans with “real”, “pay your dues and someday you’ll get a brush to scrub that toilets” jobs? I thought the hard jobs all went to undocumented workers and/or China so WalMart could keep prices low.

This is quite a wormhole I’ve entered! Where do I go next?

What about a newspaper? The NY Times? Paul Krugman? What he says about Occupy makes so much sense but he’s a liberal, right?

So confusing!

For some final solace and clarity, I will end my journey with a visit to some economic data. Nonpartisan economic data. How about a Nobel-Prize Winning Economist? How about Joseph Stiglitz? This is what he says:

“The top 1 percent of Americans now take in roughly one-fourth of America’s total income every year. In terms of wealth rather than income, . . . the top 1 percent now controls 40 percent of the total. This is new.”

But this is not new. The last time a system like this was in place, didn’t we revolt against the monarch of England? What was that called? Right. The American Revolution.

Crap… looks like it’s back to the Tea Party Website again.

The answer must be out there somewhere. Can you help me find it so I can stop thinking?

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